Things I Learned on My Vacation, 2013 Edition Water aerobics is deceptively hard Technology is overrated (even though I wrote this on my iPad) Day drinking is the tits (that I already knew, but it’s always nice to be reminded) Ladies take note: Wearing a cap with a sports team logo is the ultimate conversation starter People from the midwest are pretty rad Siestas should be mandated by the US government uno mas rosado con hielo por favor There are two types of Britons: The Windsors and those auditioning for “The Only Way is Essex” Why? ‘cause it’s my birthday. BBC world news should be more readily available in the US Whoever invented the breakfast buffet can have my first born Simple Minds is the perfect vacation score When on vacation, I actually DO care where you’re from and what your story is The real 1% are those who look good with little clothing on Sleeve of stars tattoo is to ‘13 as barb wire is to ‘94 PASS = people are so stupid Everyone offers you massage but no weed According to USA Today ( the only newspaper available) 42% of Americans will be obese by 2014. According to our findings, this is a generous lead time

Things I Learned on My Vacation, 2013 Edition

Water aerobics is deceptively hard
Technology is overrated (even though I wrote this on my iPad)
Day drinking is the tits (that I already knew, but it’s always nice to be reminded)
Ladies take note: Wearing a cap with a sports team logo is the ultimate conversation starter
People from the midwest are pretty rad
Siestas should be mandated by the US government
uno mas rosado con hielo por favor
There are two types of Britons: The Windsors and those auditioning for “The Only Way is Essex”
Why? ‘cause it’s my birthday.
BBC world news should be more readily available in the US
Whoever invented the breakfast buffet can have my first born
Simple Minds is the perfect vacation score
When on vacation, I actually DO care where you’re from and what your story is
The real 1% are those who look good with little clothing on
Sleeve of stars tattoo is to ‘13 as barb wire is to ‘94
PASS = people are so stupid
Everyone offers you massage but no weed

According to USA Today ( the only newspaper available) 42% of Americans will be obese by 2014. According to our findings, this is a generous lead time



The best break-up catharsis I’ve ever heard… As told to me by a friend. Color commentary is all mine. Enjoy! Who the fuck do you think you are getting back together with your ex-girlfriend??? A girl who, per Facebook, looks like a fucking commoner. A girl who spray tans and wears pucca shell necklaces and reminds me of a Nevada-based RN from a fucking meth lab…  More importantly, who the fuck am I to even care? You’re a 35 year old who drinks too much, sleeps all day, and carouses like a fucking Persian on a reality TV show. It’s past ten, WAKE THE FUCK UP…  The worst part was that I actually Liked you. Like, I was willing to overlook the always-present flip-flops, and the fact that you slept with some girl (not the ex-GF) two weeks into our courtship, Liked you. God, I’m pathetic…  I know I’m getting over you because I can think about the good times we had together and not get a knot is my stomach. I can re-live the time we fucked in my parent’s pool and not want to throw up from the angst. Or the Yankee game that we scalped tickets to, or the bike ride to Brooklyn…  But the point remains, you chose someone who (if all cyber stalking evidence proves to be correct) is sub-par on all accounts. This is the part that still stings because at the end of the day you chose her, not me. If I had nuts, this is where I’d say it feels like you punched me in them. THIS is what I’m not yet over. Well THIS, and the fact that you informed me of your newly rekindled romance via email. EMAIL!!! Fuck.  I can’t wait for my next chapter to begin. The one where I meet someone and finally understand why it didn’t work out with anyone else. But until then, Fuck You. Fuck your new (yet old) GF (it’s not you, girl, but still), fuck the feelings you made me feel, and fuck the fact that I compromised myself for someone as schmuck-y as you…  Also, you might want to look into Propecia. For preventative measures…  

The best break-up catharsis I’ve ever heard…

As told to me by a friend. Color commentary is all mine. Enjoy!

Who the fuck do you think you are getting back together with your ex-girlfriend??? A girl who, per Facebook, looks like a fucking commoner. A girl who spray tans and wears pucca shell necklaces and reminds me of a Nevada-based RN from a fucking meth lab…

 More importantly, who the fuck am I to even care? You’re a 35 year old who drinks too much, sleeps all day, and carouses like a fucking Persian on a reality TV show. It’s past ten, WAKE THE FUCK UP…

 The worst part was that I actually Liked you. Like, I was willing to overlook the always-present flip-flops, and the fact that you slept with some girl (not the ex-GF) two weeks into our courtship, Liked you. God, I’m pathetic…

 I know I’m getting over you because I can think about the good times we had together and not get a knot is my stomach. I can re-live the time we fucked in my parent’s pool and not want to throw up from the angst. Or the Yankee game that we scalped tickets to, or the bike ride to Brooklyn…

 But the point remains, you chose someone who (if all cyber stalking evidence proves to be correct) is sub-par on all accounts. This is the part that still stings because at the end of the day you chose her, not me. If I had nuts, this is where I’d say it feels like you punched me in them. THIS is what I’m not yet over. Well THIS, and the fact that you informed me of your newly rekindled romance via email. EMAIL!!! Fuck.

 I can’t wait for my next chapter to begin. The one where I meet someone and finally understand why it didn’t work out with anyone else. But until then, Fuck You. Fuck your new (yet old) GF (it’s not you, girl, but still), fuck the feelings you made me feel, and fuck the fact that I compromised myself for someone as schmuck-y as you…

 Also, you might want to look into Propecia. For preventative measures…

 

lilkim:


OH PRIVATE JET! OHHHHH!

I knew RealityTVGIFs would have this one for me.
hotandbusted:








A familiar face.
Photo courtesy: Alachua County Sheriff’s Office, Florida.
Charge(s): Two counts of failure to appear.
AC: Wanna see the guy my sister lost her virginity to that's now an actor?
AC: Wait, on a serious note -- we haven't discussed Haddie's haircut.
AC: [sings] It's Gwyneth's birthdaaay! KM: How are we going to celebrate? MR: [sings] By making our own srirachaaa!
This is how we do sometimes. MR: We can all use our Missoni tumblers at work, you guys!
ohjavi:


After Hurricane Irene hit Puerto Rico, the streets were so flooded that a shark managed to be swimming around.

WHAT THE FUCK
“He’s one cupcake away from a f-cking meltdown”